Today is a lousy feeling day even though it beautiful outside. I feel this way in part on my hormones trying to get back to normal and just simply not feeling love for myself. All of today I was looking at anyone and everyone (particularly my husband and my looks) to make me feel beautiful. Let's face it, if you don't feel it on the inside, the outside won't matter much.
I remember something God has told me personally yesterday. He said he understands and still needs me. He wants me to go to my prayer place every time I feel down and sad and ugly. He told my my healing will happen if I do this and believe his words. It is ok to shed my tears because joy comes in the morning. So after reaching out to the wrong things, I go to my prayer place, which today happens to be my kitchen sink.. The dishes are ceiling scrapers on the counter and the kids need supervision so why not pray hard while doing both. I kept praying for God's encouragement, for a Word or song or anything from him. I cry out "Lord Help! I can't stand the way I feel but can't seem to stop myself!" Just as I said the last word, KLove played "Beautiful" by Mercy Me. I begin to smile, and say "Thank You Lord" in a hushed but grateful voice. "Then My Own World" comes on and I am grinning with all the muscle in my face. Next comes "More Beautiful You" by Jonny Diaz. Now I am dancing along, smiling and praising Jesus in a loud and joyful voice. My son comes in and looks at me, smiles and shakes his head. He has seen my crazy acts before. My little girls join me in the praise of my God, My Savior and Lord. We had a praise service right in the middle of a dirty kitchen. And now....I smile and thank Him. Thank You Father! Thank You and I love you! It is a BEAUTIFUL DAY!
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